BREAKING: UVA Students Realize That UVA Has Student Government On First Day Of Voting

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA- “Oh, there’s an election? That’s weird. I haven’t seen any campaign posters,” says a third-year who has been in quarantine for the last week.

If you’ve been checking your Instagram stories recently, you might have noticed that in between pictures of Harry Styles and Lizzo at the Grammys there have been promotional images for what appear to be candidates in some sort of election.

Our research confirms that these students are running for various positions in a convoluted and unnecessarily mysterious system of student-run leadership right here at UVA.

Orchestrated by an organization known only as the “University Board of Elections,” this election will apparently shape student leadership at UVA for the next year at all levels.

Using various social media platforms to virtually campaign, these candidates speak in a common language of pithy promises, displaying their beliefs and in many cases personalities through well-designed posts.

While the candidates are easy to distinguish based on factors such as name, platform, and year, the positions for which they are running are less distinct.

Even when a candidate includes the title which they hope to receive in their campaign posts, it might take an extra online search to find what that particular position means or even what body of student government it pertains to.

The university is holding a raffle of $1000 for everyone who votes, and we’re willing to buy a Bodo Bagel for whoever can explain the difference between what Student Council, UJC, Honor, and Second/Third/Fourth Year Council do.

Anyway, don’t forget to vote for the names that you recognize and ignore every other name on the ballot just like this system encourages you to do!


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