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Student Health And Wellness To Start Sending Students Even More Reminders Of Negative COVID...

Julian David

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA: At least when you test positive all you get is a phone call. At the start of this semester UVA ramped up its...

BREAKING: UVA Students Realize That UVA Has Student Government On First Day Of Voting

Julian David

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA- “Oh, there’s an election? That’s weird. I haven’t seen any campaign posters,” says a third-year who has been in quarantine for the...

New Restrictions On Lawn Room Signage Justified By The Fact That Thomas Jefferson Didn’t...

Julian David

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA- Lawnies are in for a rude awakening when they learn that Mr. Jefferson is the father of our country’s independence, not the...

UVA Announces Next Tuesday Will Be An “Unwellness Day” Designed Specifically To Overwork Students

Julian David

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA- Did you have a nice day Tuesday off this week? Well, next Tuesday will probably make you cry. As many of you may...

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Child Whose Popsicle Jim Ryan Admitted to Stealing

Julian David

In the conclusion of his most recent update video regarding the lifting of COVID restrictions, President Jim Ryan bizarrely went out of his way...

COVID UPDATE: Over half of saliva samples collected from prevalence testing are being used...

Julian David

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA- It’s no coincidence that sinks and showers in first-year dorms suddenly began flowing better than ever just as UVA ramped up its...

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